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Veterans Golf Club of Victoria

August 2020 Newsletter

Presidents report

President report 202008

As the Vets looked forward to an encouraging year from the commencement of 2020, along came a little bug named COVID-19, which has changed our LIFESTYLE and the WORLD. Our governments, both Federal and State have placed health regulations and lockdowns on the communities to reduce the spread.

To ALL members and partners, and those who have a health situation, please, please stay safe and healthy as our thoughts are with you.

The lockdowns have changed our criteria for 2020, our scheduled games and the way we approach each game of golf, i.e: arrive, play and leave, therefore no interaction of members before or after the game which includes our normal lunches. This may not change for some considerable time and being the guests of these clubs they may have to restrict our numbers per game.

At present Harold and Jeff are trying to outsource the possibilities of obtaining additional games where possible, so keep an eye out for their emails.

The CoM have been communicating via mobile and emails discussing matters relating to our club going forward. Our recent format of paying for a game has been via a named envelope, to avoid the handling of cash. The secretary and treasurer handle thousands of dollars per year through subscriptions, joining fees, game and raffle money, merchandising and end of year functions. So it is our decision that the Vets club introduce a "TAP & GO" facility to be used at all our forth coming functions to assist them in their duties.

A credit or debit card will be required by a member. Further details will be provided in coming months once this has been established.  When this stage 4 lockdown and curfew is completed there will be further communication relating to the dates when we have games arranged, stay tuned.  In the meantime, exercise, stay positive and most of all stay safe and healthy.

"Better times are ahead".

Web report

Results for August

Thanks to the Corona virus we did not play this month

Birthday boys for August 2020

Congratulations and best wishes to our members whose birthday falls in AugustPicture

4th  Malcolm Turner  73

11th  Craig Fitchet  59

15th  Peter Hameister  78

24th  Beverly Jenkin  74

30th  Jim Collins  74

31st  Graham Lee  63

Golf stories

It's been a while since the last golf story, so here's a set of them as sent to me by Rod Goode in 2013 and waiting around ever since.

A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses from a heart attack! "Help me dear," she groans to her husband.

Grave not found

The husband calls 000 on his mobile phone, talks for a few minutes, picks up his putter and lines up his putt.

His wife raises her head off the green and stares at him. "I'm dying here and you're putting?"

"Don't worry dear," says the husband calmly, "they found a doctor on the second hole and he's coming to help you."

"Well, how long will it take for him to get here?" she asks feebly.

"No time at all," says her husband.

"Everybody's already agreed to let him play through."

Grave not found

A gushy reporter told Phil Mickelson, "You are spectacular; your name is synonymous with the game of golf. You really know your way around the course. What's your secret?"

Mickelson replied,

"The holes are numbered."

A young man and a priest are playing together. At a short par-3 the priest asks, "What are you going to use on this hole, my son?"

The young man says, "An 8-iron, father. How about you?" The priest says, "I'm going to hit a soft seven and pray."

The young man hits his 8-iron and puts the ball on the green. The priest tops his 7-iron and dribbles the ball out a few yards. 

The young man says,

"I don't know about you, father, but in my church, when we pray, we keep our head down."

Police are called to an apartment and find a woman holding a bloody 5-iron standing over a lifeless man.

The detective asks, "Ma'am, is that your husband?"

"Yes," says the woman.

"Did you hit him with that golf club?"

Grave not found

"Yes, yes, I did." The woman begins to sob, drops the club, and puts her hands on her face.

"How many times did you hit him?"

"I don't know -- five, six, maybe seven times.....

just put me down for a five."

A golfer teed up his ball on the first tee, took a mighty swing and hit his ball into a clump of trees. He found his ball and saw ap opening between two trees he thought he could hit through.

Taking out his 3-wood, he took a mighty swing. The ball hit a tree, bounced back, hit him in the forehead and killed him.

As he approached the gates of Heaven, St. Peter asked, "Are you a good golfer?"

The man replied:

"Got here in two, didn't I?"

The bride was escorted down the aisle and when she reached the altar, the groom was standing there with his golf bag and clubs at his side. 

Grave not found

She said: "What are your golf clubs doing here?"

He looked her right in the eye and said,

"This isn't going to take all day, is it?"

Next event

This is in the hands of the Corona virus diety!

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Last updated: 15 August 2021