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Veterans Golf Club of Victoria

We restarted!!
We played and enjoyed a sandwitch at Churchill Park.

Webmasters Preamble

Remembering that our Club is a Social and Golf Club I added this page to the web site to help us through the Corona Virus shutdown and to maintain the Club in our lives.

We are reaching the end of the major interferences to our golf from the corona virus and that leads to ending this 'Keep in Touch' task. New posts will stop during December.

30th November. 2020 - Ambiguities Click here if you aren't confused.

Some the idiosyncrasies of English.

There are thousands of quotes, samples of which can be seen here over the last few months. Even when they make enormous sense, they are largely given special relevance by virtue of the person making them being famous on other grounds.

Here are some short sentences which don't rely on the author being known. They are for those who love the philosophy of ambiguity, as well as the idiosyncrasies of English.

  • Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
  • One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
  • Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
  • If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
  • The main reason that Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
  • I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self- help section?" She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.
  • What if there were no hypothetical questions?
  • If a deaf child signs swear words, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
  • If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
  • Is there another word for synonym?

To be continued

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29th November. 2020 - There's Hope for us, yet Click here if you believe any of it.

A page of Bob Hope.

After yesterdays macabre information, it's time to cheer up again and few do it better than Bob Hope.

I'm so old they've cancelled my blood type.

She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn't help wondering from what direction.

I love flying. I've been to almost as many places as my luggage.

English clubs are very exclusive. I played Royal Foxshire and they made me wear a suit and tie ... in the shower.

On one hole, I hit an alligator so hard, he's now my golf bag.

You've got to be rich to have a swing like that.

I led such a sheltered life I didn't go out with girls until I was almost four.

The Concorde is great. It gives you three extra hours to find your luggage.

Quoted from Bob Hope

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28th November. 2020 - Population Click here for a free vasectomy.

How to reduce the population?.

While watching SBS last week there was a mention of 10 million people dying in Bengal in 1943 due to mal-administration of food supply by the British.

Never having heard of this event I did some internet searching to upgrade my knowledge. The sources I found indicated the number of deaths at about three million, not ten, but still a bad event.

Remembering Thomas Malthus circa 1800 and in more modern times in Australia, Dick Smith, the concern about world over-population seemed an interesting subject. What known events in history contributed most to the aim of reducing the world's population.

The events seemed to fall into three classes:

  1. Climate induced
  2. Disease induced
  3. Politically induced

There were interactions between all three in some cases, but mostly they were independent.

At the time of their occurrence, in general the data recording structure wasn't in place and so all the numbers below have a significant degree of haziness. One web site quotes up and lower figures which mostly vary by a factor of more than two. Where different sites show different numbers, lists will be used.

Event type

Event name

Event description and numbers

Disease induced

The Black Death
Europe 1300s

  1. Up to 75-200 million people in Eurasia and North Africa, peaking in Europe from 1347 to 1351.
  2. 25-30 million.
  3. 50 million out of a population of 80 million.
  4. 200 million.

Disease induced

Plague of Justinian
Europe 500s

  1. 50 million.
  2. 30 to 50 million.

Disease induced

Plagues of London
1300s to 1600s

  1. 40 outbreaks in London between 1348 and 1665 (The year of the Great Fire). Each outbreak killed about 20% of the then population.

Disease induced

Smallpox in America

  1. No numbers are known, but it is estimated that 90 to 95% of the native population succumbed.
  2. 50 million
  3. 400,000/year in Europe at its peak

Disease induced

Spanish Flu - 1920s

  1. 20 to 50 million
  2. 40 to 50 million

Disease induced

HIV/AIDS - 1981 onwards

  1. 25 to 35 million

Politically induced

World War 11

  1. 70 to 85 million. 3% of the world's population
  2. This was made up of 50 to 56 million from fighting etc. and 19 to 28 million from war-related disease and famine
  3. Civilians killed totaled from 38 to 55 million, including 13 to 20 million from war-related disease and famine. Total military dead: from 22 to 25 million
  4. 40 to 50 million
  5. 60 to 118 million

These numbers include the deaths from the Holocaust and other deliberate genocidal activities.

Politically induced

World War 1

  1. 8.5 million military personnel
  2. 40 million military and civilian casualties
  3. 17.5 to 40 million

Politically induced

Three Kingdoms war
China circa 200

  1. 15 million
  2. 36 to 40 million

Politically induced with climatic assistance

Great Chinese Famine 1959-61

  1. 15 million
  2. 20 to 50 million

Politically induced

Genghis Khan

  1. 66 million
  2. around 40 million
  3. 30 to 57 million

Politically induced

Tamerlane circa 1400

  1. 17 million
  2. around 40 million

Climate induced

Chinese Famine 1907

  1. 25 million

Climate induced

Chalisa and South India Famines 1782-84

  1. 11+ million

Climate induced with help from the East India Company

Bengali Famine of 1770

  1. 10 million

Climate induced with help from Stalin

Soviet Famine (Holodomor) 1932-33

  1. 3.5 to 7.5 million
  2. 15 million

Climate induced with help from the Bolshevics

Russian Famine 1921

  1. 5 million

Climate induced with help from the British, in particular, Churchill

Bengal Famine 1943

  1. 2 -3 million
  2. 3 million
  3. 10 million

Climate and Politically induced

Other Famines
and wars

More famines are reported here.

More wars are reported here.

Horrifying as these events are, they seem inadequate to effectively reduce the World's population to a level where we don't need pandemics, wars and famine for population control. Will contraceptives provide an answer?

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27th November. 2020 - Trump's Victory speech (on losing the election) Click here if you believe more than 25%.

Trump's election night "victory" speech from the White House.

For comparison with Xi Jinping's speech.

This is without question the latest news conference I've ever had. I appreciate it very much, and I want to thank the American people for their tremendous support. Millions and millions of people voted for us tonight, and a very sad group of people is trying to disenfranchise that group of people, and we won't stand for it. We will not stand for it.

I want to thank the first lady, my entire family, and Vice President Pence, Mrs. Pence for being with us all through this. And we were getting ready for a big celebration.

We were winning everything, and all of a sudden it was just called off. The results tonight have been phenomenal. And we are getting ready. I mean, literally, we were just all set to get outside and just celebrate something that was so beautiful, so good. Such a vote, such a success. The citizens of this country have come out in record numbers. This is a record.

There's never been anything like it to support our incredible movement. We won states that we weren't expected to win in Florida, we didn't win it. We won it by a lot. We won the great state of Ohio, we won Texas. We won Texas by 700,000 votes and they don't even include it in the tabulations. It's also clear we have won Georgia. We're up by 2.5 percent, or 117,000 votes with only 7 percent left. They're never going to catch us, they can't catch us.

The gentleman that called it, I watched tonight, he said well we think it's fairly unlikely that we could catch. Well fairly unlikely? And we don't even need it, we don't need that. That was just a state that if we would've gotten it would have been nice, Arizona. But there's a possibility, maybe even a good possibility. In fact, since I saw that originally it's been changed and the numbers have substantially come down, just a small amount of votes. So we want that obviously to stay in play.

But most importantly, we're winning Pennsylvania by a tremendous amount of votes. We're up 600—think of this, think of this—we're up 690,000 votes in Pennsylvania, 690,000. These aren't even close, this is not like oh it's close. With 64 percent of the vote in, it's going to be almost impossible to catch, and we're coming into good Pennsylvania areas where they happen to like your president. So we'll probably expand that.

We're winning Michigan. I tell you, I looked at the numbers I said woah, I said wow, that's a lot. By almost 300,000 votes and 65 percent of the vote is in, and we're winning Wisconsin. I said we don't need all of them, because when you add Texas in, which wasn't added. I spoke with the really wonderful governor of Texas just a little while ago, and Greg Abbott he said congratulations. He called me to congratulate me on winning Texas. I mean we won Texas, I don't think they finished quite the tabulation, but there's no way. And it was almost complete but he congratulated me.

And he said by the way, what's going on? I've never seen anything like this. Can I tell you what? Nobody has. So we won by 107,000 votes with 81 percent of the vote, that's Michigan. So when you take those three states in particular, and you take all of the others, I mean we have so many. We had such a big night. You just take a look at all of these states that we've won tonight, and then you take a look at the kind of margins that we've won them by, and all of a sudden, it's not like we're up 12 votes and we have 60 percent left.

We won states and all of a sudden, I said what happened to the election? It's off. And we have all these announcers saying what happened, and then they said oh, because you know what happened? They knew they couldn't win, so they said, let's go to court, and did I predict this Newt? Did I say this? I've been saying this from the day I heard they were going to send out tens of millions of ballots. I said exactly— because either they were going to win, or if they didn't win they'll take us to court.

So, Florida was a tremendous victory, 377,000. Texas as we said. Ohio, think of this. Ohio, a tremendous state, a big state, I love Ohio, we won by 8.1 percent, 461,000. Think of it, almost 500,000 votes. North Carolina, big victory with North Carolina. And so we won there, we lead by 76,000 votes with almost nothing left. And all of a sudden everything just stopped.

This is a fraud on the American public. This is an embarrassment to our country. We were getting ready to win this election, frankly we did win this election. We did win this election. So our goal now is to ensure the integrity for the good of this nation, this is a very big moment. This is a major fraud on our nation. We want the law to be used in the proper manner.

So we will be going to the U.S. Supreme Court. We want all voting to stop. We don't want them to find any ballots at 4 o'clock in the morning and add them to the list. OK? It's a very sad, it's a very sad moment. To me, this is a very sad moment, and we will win this, and as far as I'm concerned, we already have won it.

So I just want to thank you, and I want to thank all of our support. I want to thank all of the people that worked with us, and Mr. Vice President, say a few words please.

Constitutionally I don't exist.

Quoted from Prince Phillip

Titleist has offered me a big contract not to play its balls.

Quoted from Bob Hope

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26th November. 2020 - Chinese President Xi Jinping Click here to ponder what to believe.

Keynote speech by Chinese President Xi Jinping at APEC CEO Dialogs - 19th Nov. 2020

All of the previous speeches have been historical. Here's a modern one to contemplate.

English text of the speech.

de Gaule not found
Xi Jinping - President of China

At a critical time when the world is fighting COVID-19 and exploring ways to achieve economic recovery, I am glad to have this dialogue with you through video links.

This is an unusual time in history for us humanity. The COVID-19 pandemic has accelerated changes unseen in a century in the world. The global economy finds itself into deep recession, its industrial and supply chains are disrupted, and governance, trust, development and peace deficits continue to grow. Mounting unilateralism, protectionism and bullying as well as backlash against economic globalization have added to risks and uncertainties in the world economy.

However, peace and development remain the underlying trend of our times. Meeting challenges through cooperation is the only way forward for us in the international community. This pandemic once again shows that the interests of all countries are closely interwoven and that humankind shares a common stake. Indeed, our world is an indivisible community with a shared future. To beat the virus and promote global recovery, we in the international community must close ranks and jointly respond to this crisis and meet the test. All countries should act in the spirit of partnership and get through this tough time together. We need to step up policy communication and coordination, intensify all-round global cooperation against COVID-19 and keep global economy open. By doing so, we can defeat the virus at an early date and achieve robust, sustainable, balanced and inclusive growth for all.

Since the start of this year, facing the sudden onslaught of COVID-19, China has put people and life above everything else. The 1.4 billion Chinese people, united as one, have made a major strategic achievement in fighting the virus. We have endeavored to both contain the virus and speedily bring production and life back to normal, thus maintaining economic and social development. China’s economy resumed positive overall growth in the first three quarters this year. This hard-won achievement speaks volumes about the resilience and vitality of the Chinese economy. The fundamentals sustaining China’s steady and long-term economic growth remain unchanged. We have full confidence and ability to maintain stable economic performance and achieve the goals of finishing the building of a moderately prosperous society in all respects and eradicating poverty within the set time frame.

At its recently concluded Fifth Plenary Session of the 19th Central Committee, the Communist Party of China deliberated on and adopted the recommendations for formulating China’s 14th Five-Year Plan. According to the recommendations, China will complete building a moderately prosperous society in all respects within the set time frame. From next year on, China will embark on a new journey toward fully building a modern socialist country. We will develop a full understanding of the new development stage, and apply the new development philosophy. We will foster a new development paradigm with domestic circulation as the mainstay and domestic and international circulations reinforcing each other. The new development paradigm is a strategic decision we have made based on the current stage and conditions of development in China and with full consideration given to economic globalization and changes in the external environment.

First, we will expand domestic demand as a strategic priority and ensure smooth flow of economic activity. In recent years, China’s development model of reliance on foreign markets and resources has gone through some gradual changes. The ratio of foreign trade to GDP dropped from 67 percent in 2006 to less than 32 percent in 2019, while the ratio of current account surplus to GDP has come down from 9.9 percent in 2007 to less than one percent today. In seven years since the 2008 global financial crisis, the contribution of China’s domestic demand to GDP exceeded 100 percent, making domestic consumption the main driver of its growth. In promoting domestic and international circulations, the Chinese economy has become much more domestically driven and the performance of China’s development has been significantly enhanced. Fostering a new development paradigm will enable China to better adjust its economic structure and achieve high-quality development. China will continue to deepen supply-side structural reforms and further expand domestic demand. Doing so will make production, distribution, flow of goods and services, and consumption in China more based on domestic market, and it will make the supply system better adapt to domestic demand. This will usher in a higher stage of well-adjusted balance where demand drives supply and supply, in turn, creates demand.

Second, we will vigorously make scientific and technological innovations to foster new growth drivers. A new round of technological revolution and industrial transformation is gathering pace, and science and technology are playing an even more significant role in boosting social productivity. To China, innovation has always been the primary driver of development, and we have made major achievements by implementing an innovation-driven development strategy. As China enters a new stage of development, factors of production underpinning its development have gone through profound changes. This means that China must pursue innovation to achieve high-quality growth driven by domestic demand. We will fully leverage the demand of our super-sized domestic market and the strengths of its complete industrial system and redouble efforts to turn research outcomes into real productivity. We will endeavor to build an innovation system that integrates science and technology, education, industries and the financial sector, and upgrade the industrial chains. This will sustain China’s long-term economic development.

Third, we will continue to deepen reform and energize the market. What we have achieved during the past 40-plus years of China’s reform and opening-up shows one thing: Reform is crucial for unleashing and boosting productivity. China has entered a new stage of development and faces new tasks of reform. We will take more steps and remove with greater resolve deep-seated systemic and institutional barriers to modernize China’s governance system and capacity. We will enhance our ability to better apply the new development philosophy, namely, one of pursuing innovative, coordinated, green, open and shared development. We will transform the growth model, upgrade quality and performance, and make growth drivers more robust. We will accelerate the building of a modernized economy, strengthen protection of property and intellectual property rights, set up a high-standard market system and improve mechanisms for fair competition. All this will fully motivate all types of market entities.

Openness enables a country to move forward, while seclusion holds it back. In today’s world where economic globalization has become an irreversible trend, no country can develop itself by keeping its doors closed. China is already deeply integrated into the global economy and the international system. We will not reverse course or run against historical trend by “decoupling” or forming a small circle to keep others out. By fostering a new development paradigm, we are not pursuing a closed-door circulation, but open and mutually reinforcing domestic and international circulations.

The new development paradigm will enable China to fully unlock its market potential and create greater demand for other countries. China’s per capita GDP has topped US$10,000, and its middle-income population has exceeded 400 million. It is projected by many international institutions that China’s retail market will reach six trillion dollars in size this year. As China’s economy grows, our people naturally want to lead an even better life. This will create more demand for a greater variety of quality products, technologies and services from across the world. Despite the damage inflicted by COVID-19, China’s import of goods has basically recovered to the level of last year. The China International Fair for Trade in Services held in Beijing this September brought together 22,000 companies from 148 countries and regions to its online and off line events. Not long ago, the third China International Import Expo was successfully held in Shanghai. It was participated by companies from 124 countries and regions. The exhibition area was further expanded. More deals were sealed, reaching US$72.62 billion in value. China will further cut tariffs and government instituted transaction costs, and open a number of demonstration zones for creative promotion of import trade to increase import of quality goods and services. I am confident that the steady unleashing of the China market potential will create vast business possibilities for other countries, and this will create stronger impetus for maintaining stable growth of the global economy.

The new development paradigm will enable China to open up wider and share more opportunities for common development with other countries. China is committed to opening-up, which is its fundamental policy, a policy that will not change at any time. The world economy has faced more instability and uncertainty this year. Protectionism and unilateralism are mounting. Yet China has not stalled in its pursuit of opening-up. As a matter of fact, we have taken many policy steps to open the country still wider. It includes the following: The Foreign Investment Law and its supporting rules and regulations have been fully implemented. The negative list for foreign investment has been further cut. Access to the financial market has been steadily eased. A master plan has been drawn up for the development of the Hainan Free Trade Port. Reform and opening-up in Shenzhen and Pudong have been further advanced. And more pilot programs have been conducted for creative promotion of trade in services.

I wish to reiterate that China’s commitment to opening-up is strong, and that China will open its door still wider to the world. China will continue to advance trade and investment liberalization and facilitation, to conclude, through negotiation, high-standard free trade agreements with more countries, and to actively engage in bilateral, multilateral and regional mechanisms for trade and investment cooperation. The purpose is to build a higher-standard open economy in China. China will improve its system for foreign investment management based on pre-establishment national treatment and negative list. The lawful rights and interests of foreign investors will be protected. China will open up the service sector in a well-planned way, and foster a market-oriented, world-class business environment underpinned by a sound legal framework. China will give its pilot free trade zones greater power in carrying out reform, and turn them into new pacesetters of opening-up. At the same time, China will continue to firmly support the multilateral trading system, get more actively involved in reforming the system of global economic governance, and play its part to make this system fairer and more equitable.

The new development paradigm will enable China to continue to deepen international cooperation for shared benefits. China will take a more active part in the international division of labor, get more effectively integrated into global industrial, supply and value chains, and more enthusiastically expand exchanges and cooperation with other countries. We welcome cooperation with every other region, country, or company that wants to do so. China will remain committed to openness and cooperation, and adhere to multilateralism and the principle of extensive consultation, joint contribution and shared benefits. China will work to pursue high-quality Belt and Road cooperation with its partners, and seek greater complementarity between the development strategies and connectivity plans of regions and countries concerned. China will further harmonize policies, rules and standards with BRI partners, and deepen effective cooperation with them on infrastructure, industry, trade, scientific and technological innovation, public health and people-to-people exchange. Together, we will make the Belt and Road a model of cooperation, health, recovery and growth and deepen cooperation on green development. This will allow us to contribute to common development and the building of a community with a shared future for mankind.

The Asia-Pacific is our shared home. To sustain peace, stability, development and prosperity in the region meets the interests of us all. As Asia-Pacific economies are connected by the same ocean, we benefit from close interactions between our peoples and geographic proximity. We should follow market trends, seize opportunities created by economic globalization and regional economic integration and become forerunners driving global growth. The development of the Asia-Pacific and greater economic cooperation in our region represent an underlying historical trend, and such development and cooperation will continue to be imbued with strong vitality, because they respond to the call of the people in our region. 

Last year, I proposed building an Asia-Pacific community with a shared future featuring openness, inclusiveness, innovation-driven growth, greater connectivity and mutually beneficial cooperation. This year, thanks to participation of all economies concerned, the APEC Post-2020 Vision has been formulated, which sets out ambitious goals and important guidelines for our future cooperation. Let us not forget that we are a community with a common stake, and let us move toward closer regional economic integration. We need to accelerate innovation-driven growth, enhance regional connectivity, and realize inclusive and sustainable development. Step by step, we can surely turn our vision into reality and deliver a better life for people in the region.

The Asia-Pacific business community is an engine driving economic growth. You have witnessed development and cooperation in our region; and indeed, you have contributed to it every step on the way. You have an important role to play in shaping the future of our region, and there is no doubt you will benefit from its development. Asia-Pacific cooperation has entered a new historical stage at a time when the world is facing multiple challenges. The business community needs a broader vision, greater resilience and stronger entrepreneurship. With them, I am sure you will create greater prospects for business development. I hope you will contribute your share to promoting openness and development. You may work to advance trade and investment liberalization and facilitation, and ensure the security and stability of industrial and supply chains of our region; and your work will enable the Asia-Pacific to take the lead in achieving economic recovery and prosperity. I hope you will explore innovation-driven growth. You may take bold steps to pursue organizational, technological and market innovations; that will make the Asia-Pacific a fertile ground for scientific breakthroughs and a pacesetter for innovation. I hope you will be partners for achieving win-win cooperation. You may tap fully into the potential for cooperation, and make the pie of cooperation even bigger for all our people to benefit from. I hope you will actively fulfill your social responsibilities. You may all play active parts in the international fight against COVID-19 and do more to help disadvantaged groups to add more momentum to global development.

The day will come when we finally beat COVID-19 and win victory in this fight. Let us work in solidarity and weather the storm together. Let us stay true to openness and cooperation and make development and circulations at home and overseas reinforce each other. Together, we can surely deliver a brighter future for all of us, both here in the Asia-Pacific and across the world!

Hong Kong has created one of the most successful societies on Earth.

Quoted from Prince Charles

Maybe, in view of recent developments, he misjudged the Chinese Government

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

Quoted fromGroucho Marx

25th November. 2020 - Charles de Gaulle Click here to genuflect.

Radio speech by Charles de Gaulle 18-06-1940

It been a couple of weeks since the last speech and it seems to me that it is quite likely that there have been interesting speeches in languages other than English. Who better to start with than the dedicated Frenchman, Général Charles de Gaulle.

As an aside, I did look for a speech by the renowned long speechifier Fidel Castro. The only shortish one I found was to a small group of ladies who raised chickens! Like W C Fields below, I gave up on Castro.

The speech that follows was delivered on Radio London by the French general Charles de Gaulle after France had been defeated by the German army and the French Prime Minister Philippe Pétain had announced he would sue for an armistice. De Gaulle would not give up and decided to continue the struggle from London as the leader of the Free French.

English text of the speech.

de Gaule not found
Charles de Gaulle, leader of the Free French

The chiefs who have commanded the French armed forces for many years, have formed a government. This government, which is responsible for the defeat of our troops, has made contact with the enemy in order to end hostilities.

Indeed, the mechanical might of the enemy, his ground and air forces have overwhelmed us.

Far more than to their numbers, we had to yield to their tanks, their aircraft and the German tactics. Tanks, aircraft and German tactics surprised the leaders of our armies and led them to where they now stand.

But, has the last word been said with this? Must hope disappear? Is this defeat definite? No, it is not!

Believe me, I who speak to you with professional knowledge and I say to you that nothing is lost for France. The same means which we have been conquered with, will bring us victory one day.

Because France is not alone. She is not alone. She is not alone. She has a vast empire behind her. She may form an alliance with the British Empire that rules the sea and continues the struggle. She may, just like Great Britain, make unlimited use of the immense industrial might of the United States.

This war is not limited to to the unlucky territory of our country. This war is not limited by the battle for France. This war is a global war. All mistakes, all delays and all the suffering in the world will not prevent us from crushing our enemies one day with all means available. Conquered today by mechanical forces, we will gain victory in the future by a superior mechanical force. The fate of the world lies in our hands.

I, Général de Gaulle, presently in London, I call upon the officers and French soldiers who are on British soil today or who will arrive here with or without their weapons, I call upon the engineers and the specialised workers of the armament industry who are on British soil today or who will arrive here, to contact me.

Whatever happens, the flame of French resistance must not be extinguished and shall not be extinguished. 

Tomorrow, like today, I will talk to you again on Radio London.

The mistake is to think that clever technology can solve everything, but it can't solve our relationship with nature, which is where I think it's gone wrong in that we have somehow abandoned our proper connection with nature. .

Quoted from Prince Charles

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no use being a damn fool about it.

Quoted from W C Fields

24th Nov 2020 - Still more Australian music Click here after listening

Still more Australian music

Some more Australian music with a bit of variety starting with Percy Grainger.

I'm sure most of us a familiar with the concept of a pianola where a vacuum created by pedalling is able to detect holes in a paper roll and use those holes to play music based on the holes in the paper. What I didn't know until visiting the Darnum Musical Village was that there is a more sophisticated form of pianola which uses a more complex pattern of holes in the paper rolls to control the volume of the played notes.

This is of interest because some of these special rolls were cut from Percy Grainger piano playing.

  • Percy Grainger - An English country graden

    Probably Grainger's most famous work.

  • Percy Grainger - - What shall we do with a drunken sailor?

    Much of Grainger's music revolves around formalising English folk music. Surely this is a great example.

  • Peter Allen - I go to Rio

  • The Seekers - Morningtown ride

  • June Bromhill - Woman and man.

    This is from the musical Robert and Elizabeth

  • Johny O'Keefe - She wears my ring

  • Peter Dawson - Old father Thames.

  • John Farnham - Come back again.

  • Joan Sutherland.

    This is from Joan's album, The art of Bel Canto, a very high class of soprano music where only singers of her skill were likely to survive.

Another thought

If you barracked for Geelong in 1994 you could well like this. It seems there's a Victorian bias against the WCE even though they won!

My folks were English ... we were too poor to be British.

I left England when I was four because I found out I could never be King.

Quoted from Bob Hope

I intend to live forever, or die trying.

Quoted fromGroucho Marx

For me, Lord Mountbatten represented the grandfather I never had.

Quoted from Prince Charles

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23rd November. 2020 - Who invented the internet Click here to update your knowledge.

The True Origin of the Internet

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader called Abraham of Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot of Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg.

Indeed, she had been called 'Amazon Dot Com'.

And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why dost thou travel far from town to town with thy goods when thou can trade without ever leaving thy tent?"

And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, dear?"

And Dot replied, "'I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale and they will reply telling you which hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."

Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever moving from his tent.

But this success did arouse envy. A man named Maccabia did secrete (look it up, it means to hide) himself inside Abraham's drum and was accused of insider trading. And the young men did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung.

They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Siderites, or NERDS for short.

And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to the drum maker, one Brother William of Gates, who bought up every drum company in the land. And indeed did insist on making drums that would work only with Brother Gates' drumheads and drumsticks.

And Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others"

And as Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or as it came to be known 'eBay' he said, "We need a name that reflects what we are."

And Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators"

"YAHOO!" exclaimed Abraham.

And that is how it all began.

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

Quoted from Groucho Marx

Hey. Who took the cork off my lunch?

Quoted from W C Fields

It was a great honour to be inducted into the Hall of Fame. I didn't know they had a caddie division.

I'd give up golf if I didn't have so many sweaters.

Quoted from Bob Hope

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22nd November. 2020 - Dancing for profit Click here to play the music.

The Dancer

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party.

After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room.

Those who remained talked about their kids.

The first guy said, "My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday."

The second guy said, "Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets. He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday."

The third guy said, "'Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion."

The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked: "What are all the congratulations for?"

One of the three said: "We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. ...What about your son?"

The fourth man replied: "My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper and gigolo at a nightclub."

The three friends said:"What a shame... what a disappointment.."

The fourth man replied: "No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him. And he hasn't done too bad either. He must be very good, because just two weeks ago for his birthday he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from three of his clients."

Extremism is no more the monopoly of Islam than it is the monopoly of other religions, including Christianity.

Quoted from Prince Charles

You can't have been here that long — you haven't got a pot belly.

Quoted from Prince Phillip

I ruined my hands in the ring. The referee kept stepping on them.

Quoted from Bob Hope

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21th November. 2020 - For the mathematician Click here to recalculate.

The mathematical terminology fairy tale

Someone with a mathematical background clearly had nothing to do for some time, so put this little reminder of mathematical terms together.


Depending on your mathematical background, some of the words here may be meaningless. Terms which are definitely mathematical at my level of understanding are shown in blue italics while those I suspect of having mathematical connotations are shown in black italics.

Once upon a time (1/t) pretty little Polynomial was strolling across a field of vectors when she came to a singularly large matrix. Now Polly was convergent and her mother had made it an absolute condition that she must never enter such an array without her brackets on. Polly, however, who had changed her variables that morning and was feeling particularly badly behaved, ignored this condition on the grounds that it was insufficient and made her way in and amongst the complex elements.

Rows and columns enveloped her on all sides. Tangents approached her surface. She became tensor and tensor. Quite suddenly, three branches of a hyperbola touched her at a single point. She oscillated violently, lost all sense of directrix and went completely divergent. As she was reaching a turning point, she tripped over a square root which was protruding from the erf and found herself, apparently alone, in a non-Euclidian space.

She was being watched, however. That smooth operator Curly Pi, was lurking inner product. As his eyes devoured her curvilinear co-ordinates a singular expression crossed his face. "Was she convergent?" he wondered. He decided to integrate improperly at once.

Hearing a vulgar fraction behind her Polly turned around and saw Curly Pi approaching with his power series extrapolated. She could see at once, by his degenerate conic and his dissipative terms, that he was bent on no good.

"Eureka!" she gasped.

"Ho, Ho!" he said. "What a symmetric little polynomial you are. I can see you are bubbling over with secs."

"Oh, Sir" she protested, "Keep away from me. I have not got my brackets on."

"Calm yourself, my dear" said our suave operator, "Your fears are purely imaginary."

"i, i" she thought, "perhaps he is homogeneous then!"

"What order are you?" the brute demanded.

"Seventeen," replied Polly.

Curly leered. "I suppose you have never been operated on yet?"

"Of course not!" Polly cried indignantly. "I am completely convergent."

"Come, come," said Curly. "Let us go to a decimal place I know and I will take you to the limit."

"Never!" gasped Polly.

"Exchlf!" he swore using the vilest oath he knew. His patience was gone. Coshing her over the coefficient with a log until she was powerless, Curly removed her discontinuities. He stared at her significant places and began smoothing her points of inflection. Poor Polly. All was up. She felt his hand tending toward her asymptotic limit. Her convergence would soon be gone forever.

There was no mercy, for Curly was a Heavyside operator. He integrated her by parts. He integrated by partial fractions. The complex beast went all the way around and did a contour integration. What an indignity! To be multiply connected on her first integration. Curly went on operating until he was absolutely and completely orthogonal.

When Polly got home that evening, her mother noticed that she was truncated in several places. But it was too late to differentiate now. As the months went by, Polly increased monotonically. Finally she generated a small but pathological function which left surds all over the place until she was driven to distraction.

The moral of our sad story is this: if you want to keep your expressions convergentt, never allow them a single degree of freedom!

Everybody was saying we must have more leisure. Now they are complaining they are unemployed.

Quoted from Prince Phillip

As human beings, we suffer from an innate tendency to jump to conclusions, to judge people too quickly, and to pronounce them failures or heroes without due consideration.

Quoted from Prince Charles

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20th November. 2020 - Mental health issues Click here to engage a psychiatrist.

From the mental health records

  • Record 1

    Patient A: "So how... this book not bad yah?"

    Patient B: "Yah agree, excellent! Astounding work. No nonsense, sharp and concise to the point. But there's a major flaw in this piece of art – too many character names to remember!!!"

    Nurse: "Hey! Can the two of you put the telephone book back to the original place?"

  • Record 2

    A doctor asked a patient: "If I were to cut one of your ears off, what will happen to you?"

    Patient: "Then I will not be able to hear properly."

    Doctor: "Hmm…that's if I were to cut your other ear off, what will happen then?"

    Patient: "I will not be able to see..."

    Doctor: "Why would you not see then??"

    Patient: "Because my spectacles will fall off."

  • Record 3

    IMH has an old lady who wears black, carries a black umbrella and squats at the entrance to the IMH everyday without fail, rain or shine.

    The doctor wanted to administer treatment for her but decided to understand her behavior first.

    So, the doctor also wears black and carries a black umbrella; squatted besides her everyday.

    The days go by...the two of them squatted side-by-side w/o a single exchange of word.

    After one solid month, the old lady finally broke the silence and asked the doctor: "Err...Excuse me! Are you also a mushroom?"

  • Record 4

    A nurse saw a patient writing a letter. She got curious and went to take a peek. But the patient didn't wanna let her see.

    Nurse: "Who are you writing to?"

    Patient: "I'm writing a letter to myself."

    Her curiosity grew and she thought to herself (Why would someone write a letter to himself?)

    So she asked again: "So...what's written inside?"

    Patient: "You crazy eh? As I haven't received the letter, how could I know??"

  • Record 5

    Two patients escape from the IMH. They climbed up a tree and one of them fell from the tree and started rolling on the ground.

    After a while, the patient below shouted to the one on top:: "Hey! How come you are not coming down yet?"

    The patient on top replied:: "No. no...I can't...I'm not ripe yet."

  • Record 6

    One patient visited the doctor: "So how... this book not bad yah?"

    Doctor: "Wah! That’s very serious...Why do you only come and seek treatment now?"

    Patient: "Because my family needed me to hatch the eggs."

  • Record 7

    A truck driver was doing his usual delivery to IMH. He discovered a flat tyre when he was about to go home. He jacked up the truck and took the flat tyre down. When he was about to fix the spare tyre, he accidentally dropped all the bolts into the drain. As he couldn't fish the bolts out, he started to panic.

    A patient happened to walk past and asked the driver what happened.

    The driver thought to himself, since there's nothing much he can do; he told the patient the whole incident.

    The patient laughed at him &said: "You can't even fix such a simple problem - no wonder you are destined to be a truck driver.

    Here’s what you can do, take one bolt each from the other 3 wheels and fix it onto this tyre. Then drive to the nearest workshop and replace the missing ones, easy as that"

    The driver was very impressed and asked: "You're so smart but why are you here at the IMH?"

    The patient replied: "Hello, I stay here because I'm crazy not STUPID!"

The end of Einstein

The Einstein snippits have made us think since the end of September. I have only 6 left in my collection and I thought Einstein should go out en masse.

  1. A person starts to live when he can live outside himself.

  2. I am convinced that He (God) does not play dice.

  3. In order to form an immaculate member of a flock of sheep one must, above all, be a sheep.

  4. The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.

  5. Yes, we have to divide up our time like that, between our politics and our equations. But to me our equations are far more important, for politics are only a matter of present concern. A mathematical equation stands forever.

  6. A human being is a part of a whole, called by us _universe_, a part limited in time and space.&e He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest... a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.

Quoted from Einstein

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19th November. 2020 - The fire brigade Click here to authorise truck maintenance.

The fire brigade

A Texas oil tycoon was watching his largest oil well going up in flames. He had the best firefighting equipment money could buy but there was no way they would get close enough to the intense flames to reach them with their water hose. Finally out of desperation, he called the local volunteer fire department.

They chugged up in their 1946 truck and passed every one of the state of the art rigs and headed toward the centre of the fire. They stopped, jumped out, sprayed each other down with water, and then proceeded to put out the fire.

When they were finally finished, the millionaire was so impressed with the crew's dedication and bravery, he awarded the chief with a cheque for $10,000.  Later, a reporter asked the chief what he was going to do with the money. The chief replied, "Well, the first thing we are going to do is fix those lousy brakes"

No, this trick won't work...How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love?

Quoted from Einstein

I'd like to meet the person who invented sex and see what they're working on now.

Quoted fromGroucho Marx

The big difference in those days was that in England the Government subsidized TV, in America we work on TV so we can subsidize the Government.

Quoted from Bob Hope

I have often thought that one of the less attractive traits of various professional bodies and institutions is the deeply ingrained suspicion and outright hostility which can exist towards anything unorthodox or unconventional.

Quoted from Prince Charles

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18th November. 2020 - Australian - History Click here to pull the trigger.

The first incidents of WW1

All my life I've been under the understanding that the first shot fired by the British Empire in World War I, was at Portsea to stop the German ship SS Pfalz, There may be conflicting opinions on this, although from an internet search it seems fairly definite.

What doesn't seem to be arguable is the event in Hobart described in "The way my father tells it" by Tim Bowden. It reads as follows:

There was a German ship called the Oberhausen - an evil German ship - and she had loaded a big cargo of timber supplied by the firm of Crisp &Gunn. As the news was getting around that war was about to be declared, people suddenly became aware that the Oberhausen had slipped her cable, cast off, and was heading off to freedom and to take our beautiful timber back to the German nation to further the war effort.

Ship lost
The Oberhausen flying an Australian flag.
Guess what? - It was built at Tyneside in the UK circa 1905

How far the Oberhausen thought she was going to get I'll never know, but the Navy dispatched a party with a bloke called Russell Young in charge. The Navy did not have much of a presence in Hobart and I think they used the pilot launch of the day. Young was a lawyer in the town and a part-time naval officer. As I understand it, they want out on the pilot launch and caught up with the Oberhausen, climbed the Jacob ladder- unopposed apparently- and went to the bridge where Young pointed a gun at the captain and said something like: "I arrest this ship in the name of the King"

The ship's captain accepted the inevitable and while the Oberhausen slowly made her way back up the Derwent again to port - and internment for the captain and crew - Russell Young and his party with the captain and his senior officers, settled down in the captain's cabin to enjoy his hospitality. They virtually had to be carried off the ship! They were as full as the family po when they got back to the wharves.


Soon after in the book there is a description of Hobart celebrating the signing of the armistice. The signing happened at 2am Hobart time, by which time the celebrations were over and everyone had headed home to bed. Bowden's grandfather was the post office official who had to be in place to receive the official notification.

Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts..

Quoted from Einstein

[He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot.

Quoted fromGroucho Marx

There is an old show business saying which warns never to work with animals or children, but nobody prepared me for Molly Meldrum.

Congratulations to 'Countdown' - it was an evening I will never forget - and a special thank you to Molly Meldrum.

Quoted from Prince Charles

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17th November. 2020 - Australian Culture - another viewpoint Click here to think about it.

Right that time

Right that time

I never stop learning. I was looking for a song on the internet a few days ago and ended up here.

I had no idea that such a collection of information and songs existed. While there was no way I had time to investigate all of them, one, "Right that time", seemed to be of general interest as it reflected the major battle of 1998 when the government strongly supported potentially violent action by the Toll company against the Wharfies Union.

Maurie Mullheron emailed this song on Feb 9th 1998 as the Wharfies were mobilising for a battle to defend their right to organise.  The Wharfies lost this battle with the Employer, the National Farmers Federation and their Federal Government backers. Maurie's song is a timely reminder of how far back the battle extends.

  • Maurie Mullheron - Right that time

The lyrics of the song can be viewed here.

They speak about it proudly, it's now union folklore
How wharfies wouldn't load any pig-iron for war
Japan was a threat so they walked off the job
They wouldn't help the fascists for old Pig-iron Bob


They were right that time and they're right again now
But the strength of one isn't much of a power
So united they stand against all odds
Fighting for us all against the little tin gods

Indonesia's young and fighting to be free
But the Dutch had different plans for their former colony
When the people rose up with freedom on their lips
The wharfies stopped loading any Dutch bound ships

Korea was in trouble, overrun by the Yanks
Wharfies told to load rifles, guns and tanks
Why get involved in this bloody civil war?
We're not gonna ship any weapons anymore!

Pig-iron Bob's back, says we're off to Vietnam
Tugging his forelocks for good old Uncle Sam
The seamen wouldn't work on the war ship 'Boonaroo'
And the wharfies held the line when they sacked the ship's crew

The struggle's moved on, mass sackings overnight
The union's survival is the heart of the fight
We'll defy your threats, your thugs and court
We're standing united, no wharfie can be bought!

History's on our side, we'll see this battle through
There's too much at stake for the profits of the few
Our fathers, before us, stood on every picket line
Keep their mem'ries alive and we'll win every time.

Last Chorus:

They've been right ev'ry time and they're right again now
But the strength of one isn't much of a power
So united they stand against all odds
Fighting for us all against the little tin gods

A man's ethical behavior should be based effectually on sympathy, education, and social ties; no religious basis is necessary. Man would indeed be in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear of punishment and hope of reward after death.

Quoted from Einstein

While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.

Quoted fromGroucho Marx

People usually say that after a fire it is water damage that is the worst. We are still trying to dry out Windsor Castle.

Quoted from Prince Phillip

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16th November. 2020 - Australian Culture - continued Click here to acknowledge you heritage.

How to be an Australian

continued from yesterday

  • You believe that every important discovery in the world was made by an Australian but then sold off to the Yanks for a pittance.
  • You believe that the more you shorten someone's name the more you like them.
  • Whatever your linguistic skills, you find yourself able to order takeaway fluently in every Asian language.
  • You understand that 'excuse me' can sound rude, While 'scuse me' is always polite.
  • You know what it's like to swallow a fly, on occasion via your nose.
  • You know it's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to handle and a seat belt buckle becomes a pretty good branding iron.
  • Your biggest family argument over the summer concerned the rules for beach cricket.
  • You shake your head in horror when companies try to market what they call 'Anzac cookies'.
  • You still think of Kylie as 'that girl off Neighbours'.
  • You believe the phrase 'smart casual' refers to a T Shirt with a collar and clean shorts.
  • When working on a bar, you understand male customers will feel the need to offer an excuse whenever they order low-alcohol beer.
  • You know how to abbreviate every word, all of which usually end in -o: arvo, combo, garbo, kero, lezzo, metho, milko, muso, rego, servo, smoko, speedo, righto, goodo etc.
  • You know that there is a universal place called "woop woop" located in the middle of matter where you actually are.
  • You know that none of us actually drink Fosters beer, because it tastes foul. But we let the world think we do. Because we can.
  • You have some time in your life slept with Aeroguard on in the summer. Maybe even as perfume.
  • You've only ever used the words - tops, ripper, sick, mad, rad, sweet to mean good. And then you place 'bloody' in front of it when you REALLY mean it.
  • You know that the barbecue is a political arena; the person holding the tongs is always the boss and usually a man. And the women make the Salad.
  • You say 'no worries' quite often, whether you realise it or not.
  • You've drank your tea/coffee/milo through a Tim Tam.
  • You own a Bond's chesty. In several different colours.
  • You know that roo meat tastes pretty good, but not as good as barra, or a meat pie.
  • You know that some people pronounce Australia like "Straya" and that's ok. of the strongest motives that lead men to art and science is escape from everyday life with its painful crudity and hopeless dreariness, from the fetters of one's own ever-shifting desires. A finely tempered nature longs to escape from the personal life into the world of objective perception and thought.

Quoted from Einstein

I've been playing golf a long time, although it's not really true that on my first round they strapped my bag on the back of a dinosaur.

Quoted from Bob Hope

On an increasingly crowded planet, humanity faces many threats - but none is greater than climate change. It magnifies every hazard and tension of our existence.

Quoted from Prince Charles

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