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Veterans Golf Club of Victoria

Webmasters Preamble

Remembering that our Club is a Social and Golf Club I added these Keep in Contact pages to the web site to help us through the Corona Virus shutdown and to maintain the Club in our lives.

Recently these Keep in Contact pages have been updated daily and this makes the individual pages too big. So the content has been spread over more pages all accessible from the main index which you can access here.

Golf allowed again as of 13th May
We restart on 15th June.

16th May 2020 - The internet: (5) CSS files 1 Click here if bored

CSS files

As was shown yesterday the appearance of text can be changed using styles. But the process was very messy in terms of typing and changeability.

So, to the rescue we have the Cascading style sheet or CSS file. As wth HTML files the CSS file contains only plain text.

The content in a CSS file defines a style which is then used in all HTML files which include the CSS file.

The basic format of the files is:

Descriptor name (or a comma seperated list of descriptor names)
 property1: property value1;
 property2: property value2;
 etc. for as many properties desired

The file may contain as many sets of styles as required.

So, if on a web site it is desired to use the same font family (as basically this site does)

h1, h2, h3, h4, h4, h6, p
 font-family: "Lucida Bright";

For the main header h1 we may wish it to be distinct, so let's set several other properties for it

 font-size: 40px;
 font-stretch: expanded;
 color: red;
 text-align: center;
 margin-top: 40px;
 margin-bottom: 5px;

This will cause the h1 to appear as:

So the effects of the margin can be seen, I've put the text inside a coloured frame

Special h1 style

To draw the box a style is defined in the CSS file like so:

 border: green solid 1px;

And in the HTML file I have line:

<div><h1>Special h1 style</h1> </div>

Of course, I may may not want all my div items to appear as a green box, so there are at least two extra ways of doing this. The only one I use has many benefits over the other one I know, so only one comes here.

Style classes

We can define a 'class' in a CSS file by starting the definition with a full stop and then using any suitable descriptor for what the class does.

For example all the html code values here are in brown Arial text. In the CSS file there is:

.code {
 color: brown;
 font-size: 18px;
 margin-left: 50px;

The CSS descriptor and class definitions are shown in pale orange colour with a class c_code defined similarly.

Having defined the code class it is then used by calling it in the HTML file like this:

<p class="code">The code I wish to display</p>

Because the font-size is defined in the class definition we could use:

<h1 class="code">The code I wish to display</h1>

and it would appear the same.


We need to tell the HTML files it is to use the CSS file. For this we need to see a bit more about the HTML file.

HTML files have four components: DOCTYPE, html, head and body.


The DOCTYPE segment is always the first line in the HTML file and it tells the browser reading and displaying the file what type of information follows.

The line is: <!DOCTYPE html>


The second line is the starting descriptor saying everything until the last line which is the closing of the html descriptor is to be seen as HMTL information.

The line is: <html>

And the last line in the file is: </html>


The head segment of the file is enclosed with: <head> and </head>

It contains information used by the file, only one of which is displayed, that one is the title which shows at the top of the browser and for this file is "Weeklyjokes VVGC"


The body segment of the file is enclosed with: <body> and </body>

The body contains all the information to be displayed by the browser.

Telling the HTML to use the CSS file.

This is done by inserting a line in the head section as follows:

<link rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" href="weeklyjokes.css" media="screen" />

It is possible to use more than one style sheet by using versions of the line above for each file. When using multiple files the style definitions are read in order of file loading so if one item has multiple definitions, the last one read will over write the earlier one.

17th May 2020 - Advice from a librarian Click here to read a book

Hearing dogs

A random channel flick at lunchtime Saturday led to a Channel 10 show, 'Pooches at Play'.

Surprising to us the show mentioned it would include a segment about hearing dogs. Even more surprising was that our dog featured in the show! A search on YouTube found the segment so I've added it here along with photos to ID Tex.

Read this
Tex at rest, in The Pines and looking for a tummy tickle

Move over the Dewey system

Read this

18th May 2020 - My best mate Click here to thank him

Always hit off second.

This is the fifth of Stan's videos. It's a guide to playing elite golf.

19th May 2020 - Catastrophe? Click here to rescue the mixer

How to deal with catastrophe

To set the background of this true story.

Visualise a small house in the jungle 30 minutes drive from the nearest shop, 3 hours from the nearest telephone and airport. Mobile phones have yet to be invented.

An English engineer was living in this house and his Company had wisely insisted he learn Indonesian before going there as the nearest English speakers were at the airport! (Unlike the Australian Government who insisted I'd have a translator with me all the time, yet never had one for even 5 minutes)

Amongst other Indonesian words he learnt was "kurang adjah" which in my dictionary translates as nasty. but clearly has stronger connotations in Indonesian.

On the only occasion in two years in Indonesia where I heard it used, there were certainly very strong emotions on display.

Next, despite the painting of Indonesia as generally violent by the Australian media, Indonesians are far more peaceful than Australians.

So back to our Engineer. He was supervising construction of an 8m diameter irrigation tunnel on the Krueng Aceh river and on the occasion I'm talking about they were pouring a concrete footing for the tunnel entrance. The concrete mixer was at the top of a 40m cliff and after mixing the concrete was poured over the cliff to where two workers were spreading it.

Unfortunately, the front-end loader driver misjudged his bucket height while loading the mixer and pushed the mixer over the cliff into the wet concrete and narrowly missing the two workers.

The engineer thought the time had come to display his knowlege of "kurang adjah" and yelled at the loader driver "kurang adjah"

The response of the other workers was: Mister, what he did was bad, but, not that bad!

An aside

The Krueng Aceh river passed about a km from my house in Sigli and on three separate occassions, with rain only in the headwaters the river flooded to the extent that I had approximately 1 sq m of water dribble through my front door. There were watermarks on the wall showing about 20cm of water had been in the house at least once.

fred was here
My duck pond at Sigli - normal and in flood.

20th May 2020 - Bush etiquette Click here to open a stubbie

Committee news - golf to resume

Following extensive background work by Captain Harold and President Roger, the Committee approved a booking for a game at Centerary Park on June 15th. Further details will appear in the Newsletter and messages from the Captain, but briefly there will be a staggered 8:30am start off one tee and members booked to play will be advised in groups of 12 to arrive 20mins before a nominated hitoff time and to maintain all physical distancing requirments. There will be no meal included in the playing price.

The booking system will be adjusted to enable booking for this event before the weekend.

Bush etiquette

General principles

  1. Never take an open stubby to a job interview
  2. Always identify people in your paddocks before shooting at them.
  3. It's tacky to take an Esky to church
  4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets.
  5. Even if you're certain you're included in the will, it's rude to take your ute and trailer to the funeral.

Eating out

  1. When decanting wine from the box, tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to bruise the wine.
  2. If drinking directly from the bottle, hold it with only one hand.

Entertaining at home

  1. A centrepiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
  2. Don't allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners.

Peersonal hygiene

  1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this should be done in private, using one's OWN ute keys.
  2. Even if you live alone, deodorant isn't a waste of money.
  3. Extensive use of deodorant can only delay bathing by a few days.
  4. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a no-no, it alters the taste of finger foods and if you are a woman it can draw attention away from your jewellery.


  1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up after the movie ends.
  2. Refrain from yelling abuse at characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you.


  1. Livestock is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
  2. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A tracksuit with a cummerbund and a clean football jumper can create a tacky appearance.
  3. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for the occasion.


  1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the roo's in your sights and you need the light to shoot.
  2. When entering a roundabout, the vehicle with the largest roo bar doesn't always have the right of way.
  3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape unless there are at least three strands.
  4. When sending your wife down the road with a petrol can, it's impolite to ask her to bring back beer as well.

21th May 2020 - A smashing time coming up Click here to count the shards

Golf in the 1950s

Two images today

Joy in the rain
Joy in the rain
How many on that last one - roughly

22th May 2020 - Relief at night Click here to quaff a glass

Advances in wine making

Heard on the grapevine. A new wine for Seniors is now on the market.

A single glass at night could mean a peaceful, uninterrupted nights sleep.

Clare Valley vintners in South Australia, primarily produce Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir, and Pinot Grigio wines, have developed a new hybrid grape which acts as an anti-diuretic.

Drinking this wine is expected to reduce the number of trips older people have to make to the bathroom during the night.

The new wine will be marketed under the name: PINO MORE

23rd May 2020 - The advanced civilisation Click here to stay alone
Read this
President Roger has supplied this illustrated version of the hard of sight and memory story.

The following conversation was overheard from a Galactic exploration crew.


"They're made out of meat."


"Meat. They're made out of meat."


"There's no doubt about it. We picked several from different parts of the planet, took them aboard our recon vessels, probed them all the way through. They're completely meat."

"That's impossible. What about the radio signals? The messages to the stars"

"They use the radio waves to talk, but the signals don't come from them. The signals come from machines."

"So who made the machines? That's who we want to contact."

"They made the machines. That's what I'm trying to tell you. Meat made the machines."

"That's ridiculous. How can meat make a machine? You're asking me to believe in sentient meat."

"I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. These creatures are the only sentient race in the sector and they're made out of meat."

"Maybe they're like the Orfolei. You know, a carbon-based intelligence that goes through a meat stage."

"Nope. They're born meat and they die meat. We studied them for several of their life spans, which didn't take too long."

"Do you have any idea the life span of meat?"

"Spare me. Okay, maybe they're only part meat. You know, like the Weddilei. A meat head with an electron plasma brain inside."

"Nope. We thought of that, since they do have meat heads like the Weddilei. But I told you, we probed them. They're meat all the way through."

"Oh, there is a brain all right. It's just that the brain is made out of meat!"

"So... what does the thinking?"

"You're not understanding, are you? The brain does the thinking. The meat."

"Thinking meat! You're asking me to believe in thinking meat!"

"Yes, thinking meat! Conscious meat! Loving meat. Dreaming meat. The meat is the whole deal! Are you getting the picture?"

"Omigod. You're serious then. They're made out of meat."

"Finally, Yes. They are indeed made out meat. And they've been trying to get in touch with us for almost a hundred of their years."

"So what does the meat have in mind?"

"First it wants to talk to us. Then I imagine it wants to explore the universe, contact other sentients, swap ideas and information. The usual."

"We're supposed to talk to meat!"

"That's the idea. That's the message they're sending out by radio. 'Hello. Anyone out there? Anyone home?' That sort of thing."

"They actually do talk, then. They use words, ideas, concepts?"

"Oh, yes. Except they do it with meat"

"I thought you just told me they used radio"

"They do, but what do you think is on the radio? Meat sounds"

"You know how when you slap or flap meat it makes a noise? They talk by flapping their meat at each other. They can even sing by squirting air through their meat."

"Omigod. Singing meat. This is altogether too much. So what do you advise?"

"Officially or unofficially?"


"Officially, we are required to contact, welcome, and log in any and all sentient races or multibeings in the quadrant, without prejudice, fear, or favor."

"Unofficially, I advise that we erase the records and forget the whole thing."

"I was hoping you would say that."

"It seems harsh, but there is a limit. Do we really want to make contact with meat?"

"I agree one hundred percent. What's there to say? 'Hello, meat. How's it going?' But will this work? How many planets are we dealing with here?."

"Just one. They can travel to other planets in special meat containers, but they can't live on them. And being meat, they only travel through C space. Which limits them to the speed of light and makes the possibility of their ever making contact pretty slim. Infinitesimal, in fact."

"So we just pretend there's no one home in the universe."

""That's it."

"Cruel. But you said it yourself, who wants to meet meat? And the ones who have been aboard our vessels, the ones you have probed?"

"You're sure they won't remember?"

"They'll be considered crackpots if they do. We went into their heads and smoothed out their meat so that we're just a dream to them."

"A dream to meat! How strangely appropriate, that we should be meat's dream."

"And we can mark this sector unoccupied."

"Good. Agreed, officially and unofficially. Case closed. Any others? Anyone interesting on that side of the galaxy?"

"Yes, a rather shy but sweet hydrogen core cluster intelligence in a class nine star in G445 zone. Was in contact two galactic rotations ago, wants to be friendly again."

"And why not? Imagine how unbearably, how unutterably cold the universe would be if one were all alone."

24th May 2020 - Disease prevention Click here for further advice from Donald Trump

Guaranteed disease protection

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired by everyone for her sweetness and kindness to all.

One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room, &she invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.

As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a delicate glass bowl half full of water sitting on the organ. Floating in the water was a condom.

When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat.

The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.

"Miss Beatrice" he asked "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl.

"Oh, yes," she replied, "isn't it wonderful?"

"I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease."

"Do you know I haven't had the flu or a cold all winter!"

25th May 2020 - Skillful golf Click here to sign up for training

You can try this at home.

This is the sixth of Stan's videos. If you thought the last one showed considerable skill - try this!

Which will take longer, building the course or playing even one of these shots successfully? Hint: you could well finish the course before golf is allowed again, the other, sometime before the universe ends.

26th May 2020 -Splat!! Click here to lay a new egg

The loving parents

Read this
Well, there goes junior!

28th May 2020 - The secret Click here to stop counting

Golf in the 1950s

Joy in the rain

29th May 2020 - Onwards Christian soldiers Click here to give way

Always be courteous

More of life in 1954

Read this

Some relevant music

Thinking of the Salvation Army brought to mind the inspirational song Onwards Christain Soldiers. I'm sure no-one ever sang it better than Mahalia Jackson, so here she is.

On the same record with Onwards Christian Soldiers is another great song, Jerusalem so here she is again.

30th May 2020 - Hitler's view of the end of the war Click here to start WWII

Hitler rants.

This was one of the early videos with rants by Hitler. In recent times dozens of them have been produced mostly relating to more current events.

You can view lots of these here.

Note: The visuals were taken from the film Downfall (Der Untergang).

31st May 2020 - The keen observers Click here to enrol in a rural Vetinary course

Golf discussions

The Royal and Ancient along with the US PGA are the source of the rules. The R&A rules guru has created a Golf from the Gardens video. It's 26 minutes long (winded) and can be seen here. In the same area of YouTube there are several other videos on the 2019 rules.

The email where I discovered this also points to a 2019 Rules of Golf App. You can get more details here.

Learning to be observant.

First-year students at the Purdue Vetinary School were attending their first anatomy class with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, ""In Veterinary medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor.

The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal's body."

For an example, the professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the cow, withdrew it, and stuck his finger in his mouth.

"Go ahead and do the same thing", he told his students.

The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead cow and sucking on it. When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said,

"The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger.  Now learn to pay attention. Life's tough but

it's even tougher if you're unobservant."