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Veterans Golf Club of Victoria

November 2020 Newsletter

President report 202011

Presidents report

Golfing update

What a joy!  We played at Churchill Park in fine, if cool weather and saw a few familiar faces.  No sit-down together, but there were sandwiches at the 10th to alleviate the pangs of hunger.  At Rossdale, the sandwiches will be available with a bottle of water at the start of play.

Better times are ahead.

And we will play at Rossdale next month as per our original schedule, but with different playing parameters.  Captain Harold will keep us informed of the fine detail, and remember the booking sheet is open.

Next year

Our schedule for next year has been finalised in as far as certainly exists at the moment.  The Committee have been advised that all our playing courses are increasing their green fees and are currently preparing a proposed fee schedule to recommend to members at the AGM.

Research by Secretary Jeff reveals that over many years the average income from our raffle has averaged between $5.05 and $5.10 per member playing.  Consequent to that and the issues of handling the relevant paper for our raffle, the Committee will recommend that the Green fee payment will include $5 to cover a raffle entry for all players.

captain

Results:

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Overall winner:

Anthony French (35) with 34 points won the House of Golf Mentone Trophy

He received a $40 House of Golf voucher for his effort.

Grade winners

A Grade:  Donald Barber (12)  33 points

B Grade:  Chris Procter (23)  34 points

C Grade:  John Killmister (29)  30 points

Nearest to the Pin:

Thanks to the joys of COVID-19 we are unable to measure the NTP values and therefor no NTPs have been awarded

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Balls down the line:

37 points  Russell Mccartt (18)

33 points  Peter Garbellini (14)

31 points  Ray Underwood (19)

30 points  George Weaver (17)

33 points  Harold Hayes (22)

32 points  Derek MacCallum (22)  Peter Fischer (27)

31 points  Daryl Edwards (22)  Ray Desmond (23)

30 points  Bruce Keenan (23)

NAGA Award:

Ian Cornish

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Door prize Winners:

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Peter Ross celebrated his good day at Churchill/Waverley by winning the raffle allowing him and three of his friends to play again at Churchill/Waverley.

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Birthday boys for November 2020

Congratulations and best wishes to our members whose birthday falls in NovemberPicture

9th  Barry Pollock  83

13th  Noel Valle  74

14th  John Sutherland  80

22nd  John Marshall  68     Jeff Casley  65

23rd  Gary Finnis  75

27th  Christopher Thorne  62

Admiral Nelson in the modern world

Nelson: "Order the signal, Hardy."

Hardy: "Aye, aye sir."

Nelson: "Hold on, that's not what I dictated to Flags. What's the meaning of this"

Hardy: "Sorry sir"

Nelson (reading aloud): "England expects every person to do his or her duty, regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, religious persuasion or disability. What gobbledegook is this?"

Hardy: "Admiralty policy, I'm afraid, sir. We're an equal opportunities employer now. We had the devil's own job getting 'England' past the censors, lest it be considered racist."

Nelson: "Gadzooks, Hardy. Hand me my pipe and tobacco."

Hardy: "Sorry sir. All naval vessels have now been designated smoke-free working environments."

Nelson: "In that case, break open the rum ration. Let us splice the mainbrace to steel the men before battle."

Hardy: "The rum ration has been abolished, Admiral. Its part of the Government's policy on binge drinking."

Nelson: "Good heavens, Hardy. I suppose we'd better get on with it. full speed ahead."

Hardy: "I think you'll find that there's a 4 knot speed limit in this stretch of water."

Nelson: "Damn it man! We are on the eve of the greatest sea battle in history. We must advance with all dispatch. Report from the crow's nest please."

Hardy: "That won't be possible, sir."

Nelson: "What?"

Hardy: "Health and Safety have closed the crow's nest, sir. No harness; and they said that rope ladders don't meet regulations. They won't let anyone up there until a proper scaffolding can be erected."

Nelson: "Then get me the ship's carpenter without delay, Hardy."

Hardy: "He's busy knocking up a wheelchair access to the foredeck Admiral."

Nelson: "Wheelchair access I've never heard anything so absurd."

Hardy: "Health and safety again, sir. We have to provide a barrier-free environment for the differently abled."

Nelson: "Differently abled I've only one arm and one eye and I refuse even to hear mention of the word. I didn't rise to the rank of admiral by playing the disability card."

Hardy: "Actually, sir, you did. The Royal Navy is under represented in the areas of visual impairment and limb deficiency."

Nelson: "Whatever! Give me full sail. The salt spray beckons."

Hardy: "A couple of problems there too, sir. Health and safety won't let the crew up the rigging without hard hats. And they don't want anyone breathing in too much salt. Haven't you seen the adverts"

Nelson: "I've never heard such infamy. Break out the cannon and tell the men to stand by to engage the enemy."

Hardy: "The men are a bit worried about shooting at anyone, Admiral."

Nelson: "What This is mutiny!"

Hardy: "It's not that, sir. It's just that they're afraid of being charged with murder if they actually kill anyone. There's a couple of legal-aid lawyers on board, watching everyone like hawks."

Nelson: "Then how are we to sink the Frenchies and the Spanish"

Hardy: "Actually, sir, we're not."

Nelson: "We're not"

Hardy: "No, sir. The French and the Spanish are our European partners now. According to the Common Fisheries Policy, we shouldn't even be in this stretch of water. We could get hit with a claim for compensation."

Nelson: "But you must hate a Frenchman as you hate the devil."

Hardy: "I wouldn't let the ship's diversity co-ordinator hear you saying that sir. You'll be up on disciplinary report."

Nelson: "You must consider every man an enemy, who speaks ill of your King."

Hardy: "Not any more, sir. We must be inclusive in this multi-cultural age. Now put on your Kevlar vest; it's the rules. It could save your life"

Nelson: "Don't tell me health and safety. Whatever happened to rum, sodomy and the lash"

Hardy: "As I explained, sir, rum is off the menu! And there's a ban on corporal punishment."

Nelson: "What about sodomy?"

Hardy: "I believe that is now legal, sir."

Nelson:

"In that case .......... kiss me, Hardy"....!!!


Next event:

Rossdale for the Bob Leverington Trophy starting at 7:15 on 07th December

 Harold Hayes ☎ 03 9570 4759 or 0408 558 260 Peter Ross ☎ 0418 176 303 Roger Selwood ☎ 0417 323 308 Jeff Stevens ☎ 0408 222 128

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Last updated: 22 June 2021