From time to time the newsletter will be infested with some one liners to (hopefully) add a smile or two to your life. This month's set were sent to me by ex member Tony Hatton and I'm sure they'll work. They were extracted from employee reports.
President Bernie welcomed all members to Patterson Lakes and thanked the Club for the use of their course and facilities. It has been a challenging year weatherwise for us golfers. He also thanked Trevor McGilton, Chris Tierney and Paul Haramis for playing with him - he enjoyed it. He said they were not worried about the rain as their scores showed.
He said that today we had a reduced number of starters with a total of 41, 31 of whom finished - he stated that those who did not finish were a bit weak as they must have got their skirts a bit wet!
Before Bernie mentioned the apologies, he said it was good to see past Secretary Stan Odachowski back playing with us. Today we have quite a few apologies - Gary Morland, Alex Johnson is touring Australia in his motorhome, John Killmister is in America, Colin Wiseman is on a big European tour, Roger Huxstep is living in France for a few months, Malcolm Turner, Peter Charlewood is in UK, Trevor Bottomley, Rod Goode is warmong up in Queensland, Neil Street, Ian Lacey, Ken Griffiths, Graeme Lewis who is in UK., Lindsay Quennell, Terry Donohue, Jeff Stevens and Chris Donald. Touring both in Australia and Europe seems to be the go!
Good to see a much reduced list yesterday, but it grew suddenly last night - Daryl Gangell, Neal Hills, Tom Govern, Kel Tyler, George Robinson and Noel Manning. I hope they all improve soon.
Today we have one guest, Neil Wilson - welcome Neil. Thank you John, for bringing Neil along. Both had gone by this time, which is a pity.
Just a note for people bringing future guests along - please ask them for their handicap, if they have one and their Golflink Number.
Bernie thanked the evergreen Peter Ross and George Weaver for their help today. Not easy on days like this. We cannot proceed without volunteers to run these events every month and we really appreciate your assistance. For others please consider helping!
He reminded us of our agreement with the Innes Ireland at the House of Golf Brighton, who are subsidising all of our winners' vouchers and urged us to support them. This company has done much for us and we need to make sure that we use all the vouchers given to us as their prices and deals are very competitive.
Ronnie Chong won the raffle prize of a game for 4 with Patterson River while Jeff Taylor picked up a second prize.
Bernie stated that he knew of only two this month.
He asked if there were any more but there were none?
If you do win, please let me know as we sometimes miss the notices.
Bernie stated that we need to keep bringing along new members. He urged all members to look around and ask their friends to come along.
He reminded us that the Club polo shirts and jumpers are available from Daryl Edwards.
Development continues now that Laurie is back in Australia. We will be working on a procedure to allow us all to use the website for future booking for games. We will also continue to use the infamous "Green Folder" that is circulated after all games, as the primary booking instrument, which will be input to the web and that will be used for the rest of the month prior to each game.
Remember, in September, we will be teeing off at 7.15am again.
Thanks to all those who travelled down to Eagle Ridge recently - there were 38 of us which is a record. It was a great day.
Also please add your names to the folder circulating today for the annual game against Brighton GC - it is on 19 September at 8am. We need to make sure that our unbeaten record of winning this trophy continues. You can also pay the Treasurer your $40 today.
He asked if there were any other issues that members would like to raise??
Bernie then handed over to the Captain.
Donald welcomed members to Patterson River Golf Club for today's event.
Chris Tierney (29) with 37 points won the John Sant Trophy.
He received a $30 House of Golf voucher for his effort.
A Grade: Roger Selwood (21) 34 points
B Grade: Paul Haramis (22) 35 points
C Grade: Tom Buzza (31) 36 points
2nd hole: Roger Selwood 7th hole Bill Dooley
12th hole: Daryl Edwards 16th hole: Alan Millard
34 points Chris Procter (27)
33 points Ray Underwood (19), Alan Baker (33), Noel Valle (34) Joe Cirnigliaro (36)
32 points John Molloy (21) Ken Pride (24) Ronnie Chong (26)
Lance Bolam added the NAGA to his extensive collection of Club winnings.
Congratulations and best wishes to our members whose birthday falls in August
3rd John Farrow 79
4th Malcolm Turner 69
11th Craig Fitchet 55
15th Peter Hameister 74
24th Beverly Jenkin 70
30th Jim Collins 70
She wanted to serve her guests mushroom-smothered steak, but she had no mushrooms and no time to buy them. Her husband suggested, "Why don't you go pick some of the mushrooms that are growing wild down by the stream?"
"No, some wild mushrooms are poisonous."
"Well, I see animals eating them and they're okay."
So she picked a bunch and washed, sliced and sautéed them for her dinner. Then she went out on the back porch and gave Spot, their dog, a double handful. Spot ate every bite. All morning long, she watched the dog. The wild mushrooms hadn't affected him after a few hours, so she decided to use them. The meal was a great success.
After everyone had finished, her daughter came in and whispered in her ear, "Mum, Spot is dead."
Trying to keep her head about her, she left the room as quickly as possible, called her doctor and told him what had happened. The doctor said, "That's bad, but I think we can take care of it. I'll call for an ambulance and I'll be there as quickly as I can. We'll give everyone enemas and we'll pump out their stomachs and everything will be fine. Just keep them calm."
Before long they started to hear the sirens as the ambulance tore down the road. The Paramedics and the doctor had their suitcases, syringes, and a stomach pump. One by one, they took each person into the bathroom, gave them an enema, and pumped out their stomach. After the last one was done the doctor came out and said, "Everything will be okay now," and with that he left.
The hosts and the guests were all weak and knackered sitting around the living room when the daughter came in and said to her mum, "I can't believe that guy!"
"You know, that one who ran over Spot, he never even slowed down."