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Veterans Golf Club of Victoria

February 2016 Newsletter


President Bernie welcomed all members to sunny Rossdale, especially those who have not played here before. He thanked the Club for the use of their course and facilities. He also thanked Mike Montgomery, Lindsay Quennell and Alex Johnson for playing with him. He said he would keep his remarks short as we have the AGM straight after the Captain's comments and some of you may have commitments to meet this afternoon.

Number of Players:

He said that today we had 58 starters - a magnificent result.


Today we have a number of playing apologies - Grant Watson, Chris Donald, Daryl Gangell, Chris Proctor, Lance Bolam, Peter Charlewood, Gerry O'Connor, Barry Pollock, Joe Cirnigliari, John Molloy and Mike Bainbridge. Several of these members attended the AGM later in the day.

Sick List:

Only a few on the sick list, which is great to see - Grant Watson, Daryl Gangell with an eye infection and Chris Donald.


We have three guests today. This is great news. Two are new players and one returning to the fold - Gerard L' Huillier has been convinced to come back for a game by Gary Finnis, Philip Horsburgh who is a guest of Jeff Stevens and Graeme Lewis, who is a guest of Hans Bleeker. I hope you all enjoyed yourselves and thanks to Gary, Jeff and Hans for bringing them along.

Starters today:

Bernie thanked Colin Wiseman and Hans Bleeker for their help today.

Raffle Prize:

He reminded us of our agreement with the House of Golf Brighton, who are subsidising all of our winners' vouchers and urged us to support them.

Special Achievements

Bernie stated that he knew of three this month.

I heard on the grapevine that the handicapper gave them all a serious workover.


Bernie stated that we need to keep bringing along new members.

Club Gear

He reminded us that the Club polo shirts and jumpers are available from Daryl Edwards.

He asked if there were any other issues that members would like to raise??
Bernie then handed over to the Captain, but not before this intrusion from the webmaster!

Vets Web Site

Members with email addresses will have received a message from the Webmaster advising them that a new method of communication with them is available to the Committee.
Future messages on such things as the availability of the newsletter will also come through this system.
The web site is in a very dynamic state at the moment as it is being changed from the original - Laurie does everything - to the new database driven system where information will be generated by other committee members.


Donald welcomed members to Rossdale Golf Club for today's event.

Overall winner:

New member Terry Donahue (17) with 40 points won the Royce Hollingsworth Trophy.
Terry continued the habit of Rossdale members winning this trophy on their home course.

He received a $30 House of Golf voucher for his effort.

Grade winners

A Grade:  Terry Brownscombe (18)  40 points

B Grade:  Daryl Edwards (22)  39 points

C Grade:  Robin Miller (36)  37 points

Nearest to the Pin:Donald's joke image

3rd hole: Bill Frey  9th hole George Weaver

12th hole: Stan Odachowski  16th hole: Ray Underwood

Balls down the line:

38 points  David Vine,  Gary Morland,  Gary Finnis

37 points  Chris McGeroge  Jeff Stevens  Bill Frey

36 points  Jeff Stevens

Oops! Our NAGA image is missing

34 points  John Farrow,  Alan Millard

33 points  Chris Tierney (c/b)

NAGA Award:

Noel Valle carded our second NAGA award for the year.

Birthday boys for February 2016

Congratulations and best wishes to our members whose birthday falls in February

1st  Ray Desmond  72

7th  Ian Cornish  70

9th  Jack Rydel  60

11th  Peter Ross  67

15th  Warren Stahel  69

20th  Steven Hassan  67

22nd  Philip Horsburgh  63

25th  Trevor McGilton  75

26th  Bill Heron  71

28th  John Newby  64     Lindsay Quennell  78

A sensible Proclamation

To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen... Elizabeth II: October 15, 2011 at 11:32am.

In light of your immediate failure to financially manage yourselves and also in recent years your tendency to elect incompetent Presidents of the USA and therefore not able to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all States, Commonwealths, and Territories (except Kansas , which she does not fancy). Royal Charter

Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated sometime next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

  1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.'Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').

  2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'

  3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

  4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.

  5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

  6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

  7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. (Get used to it.)

  8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

  9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. New Zealand beer is also acceptable, as New Zealand is pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

  10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

  11. You will cease playing American football. There are only two kinds of proper football; one you call soccer, and rugby (dominated by the New Zealanders). Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

  12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America . Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the Australians (World dominators) first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

  13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

  14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

  15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

God Save the Queen!

Next event:

Waterford Valley for the Thord Lorich Trophy starting at 7:15 on 07th March

 John Farrow ☎ 03 9512 0389 Jeff Taylor ☎ 03 9592 0196 or 0423 916 131

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Last updated: 22 June 2021